Internet Personae: Inner and Outer worlds

Internet Personae: Inner and Outer worlds

So, while doing research for INTJ childhood experiences, with an eye for ‘how they get into trouble’, I found a reference to Typealyzer. It reads a blog, analyses it and spits out the MBTI type of the writer of  blog. Being curious, I put in several links of the sites I frequent or project my persona into.

1. cohlinn.wordpress.com – this blog is … my most personal presence in the Internet

Result: ESTP – The Doers. The active and playful type. They are especially attuned to people and things around them and often full of energy, talking, joking and engaging in physical out-door activities. The Doers are happiest with action-filled work which craves their full attention and focus. They might be very impulsive and more keen on starting something new than following it through. They might have a problem with sitting still or remaining inactive for any period of time.

2. picasaweb.google.com/cathy001 – Photo gallery and most tangible output of my hobbies

Result: ESFP – The Performers. The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don’t like to plan ahead – they are always in risk of exhausting themselves. The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation – qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

3. http://www.fanfiction.net/*** – Secret indulgence.

Result: ENTP – The Visionaries. The charming and trend savvy type. They are especially attuned to the big picture and anticipate trends. They often have sophisticated language skills and come across as witty and social. At the end of the day, however, they are pragmatic decision makers and have a good analytical ability.

So, 3 sites, 3 different results. How shall I analyse this? Well, first and foremost, I would question the methodology and algorithms used in Typealyzer to come up with these results. But I’m lazy and I don’t really feel like establishing new communication relationship with a stranger (aka creator of Typealyzer) to check up on it. Also, it is not be fair to the engine since only one of the website is a real blog. For the fun of this exercise, I shall assume that Typealyzer is accurate and correct and see where it takes me.

To summarize:

Blog = ESTP Doer (Keirsey’s Artisan Promoter)

Photo = ESFP Performer (Kiersey’s Artisan Performer)

Fanfiction = ENTP Visionary (Kiersey’s Rational Inventor)

Wow! ALL extroverts … Hmm … anyone who knows me IRL for some length of time knows I’m introverted in groups of 3 or more persons. However, I come off as more extroverted when I’m in some new environment, on first day, while trying to establish first contact. If that sounds like some Star Trek Away Team exploring new civilisation, it is. Every social environment is an alien environment that must be navigated with caution and considerable effort. It’s something I learned to do in order to adapt to normal social structure and social gestures required to interact with other people; so well-meaning families and associates (teachers, babysitter, boss, colleague) would not get worried or offended.

Think of it as invisibility cloak, being chameleon and staying under the radar. As long as I behave acceptably, without causing conflict or giving offence, I win. I will smile, be charming, make expected facial expressions and expected comments/affirmations. Nobody, of course, knows what I really think of the ritualistic ceremony and social etiquettes we engaged in, all that dancing around. Even I don’t know what I think of it. It’s all rather intuitive and inexpressible in words. My thoughts can jump from topics to behaviour patterns. Rarely do I think about what I think/feel about the persons that I interact with. I was interested in ideas and patterns. Not in scandals, gossips or judging how terrible or fantastic the speaker or subject is by the manner or content of their speech. I did this in my childhood without realising what I was doing … and it’s a hard habit to break in adulthood, even if I inconvenienced myself to endure boring chit-chat and pretending to enjoy and be attentive at social gatherings. It does mean that I want to stay at home the next day or sleep long hours and not interact with anyone for at least 12 hours. So much extraverting is exhausting.

From category view, that’s 2 SP Artisans to 1 NT Rational. Artisan? SP? I’m surprised. That means I’m intrigued and amused. I’ve never thought myself anywhere close to the Artisan personality traits. I thought I normally project SJ Guardian-like trait when I’m trying to be normal: staid, stoic, boring. Then again, both my blog and photo gallery are places I show case my creative and artistic efforts, among other things, so perhaps extraverted Artisan is not such an inconceivable result.What surprised me is that FF, which is purely a product of artistic and creative pursuit, did not show up as Artisan. Hmm … what does that say about me? I like showing off my projected persona as creative, playful, charming and helpful?

Now, having ENTP, the closest to my real personality type (INTP), show up in FF … My first reaction is gratification: finally, one that gets it almost right. Second is alarm: Oh, shoot! What have I revealed of myself in this secret fantasy world? Third is disbelief: How the heck this guy figured I’m ENTP based on a bunch of fictional writtings? None of the characters are expressedly ENTP, at least, I hope not. Otherwise, I failed as a writer to write proper characters that are not Mary Sue. Fourth is fun: I need to find some way to reason and theorise this out and have fun with it.

This sort of reminds me of tarot cards. I’m not really a big believer in divinations system, but I’m intense interested at one point or another. Interest does not equate belief. I can be interested and read everything that’s ever written about say … astrology, but it doesn’t mean I read personalised down to birth-second daily horoscope and believe every word of it. Like all INTPs, I’m interested in systems, especially complex systems that I can distil and simplify for efficiency and patterns. And every divination (fengshui, tarot, ogham, astrology, numerology, palm-reading) has a system. But I digress. The other useful thing that divination/analysis systems sometimes provide is interesting perspectives that I had not considered before. I could now forge new paths into considering that perspective.

In this instant, it is that, the most NOT-ME internet presence (aka FF), is also the most ME. Alarming and intriguing. It suggests that my original intent and assumptions were wrong. That the NOT-ME I thought I put in there is actually the most ME. Why is that? I have no real biodata on FF. The email used with FF does not have any similarity to my real name or commonly used handles. Even the biodata required for the free email registration does not contain my real name or any RL connection (address, contact, names) to me.After going through the hassle of ensuring anonymity, ensuring that it can’t be trace back to IRL me … it is contradictory.

Or perhaps, it is because of its anonymity, that the real me is most likely to emerge. After all, only 2 persons IRL know of my FF account. And both are either not into FF or my kind of fandoms. That is, neither of them read my FF, though both are good writers, professional and bona-fide writers, as opposed to my pretend writer. Everyone else that reads my FF are internet persons. No one I know in my RL social network.

You could say, that is my safest outlet. If I offend someone there, there is minimal repercussions to my RL situation. I can explore different theories and patterns through the fictional characters in ways that amuse me. Doesn’t matter if everyone else thinks it is boring or trivial or utterly illogical and inconceivable. It is like being able to live many life-times in one life. When an actor plays a role (villain, lawyer, doctor, engineer, artist, etc); for a short while, he lived the life of the character he portrays. The same can be said of writers. When they write, they live the life of the characters they create. That’s why I put so much work into facts and trivia of my writting. While research is part of the fun, the ‘what-if’ is equally fun. And I supposed, I have subconsciously put in my views and patterns of thinking into the prose and story structure itself. Perhaps imparting parts of my personality or psyche into my characters. So here’s a thought … do all writers do that? Can we really write without imprinting part of ourselves into the fruits of our labour? If I were to get metaphysical and poetic, I would say, perhaps all of us put a piece of our soul into our work, any work. And that is what made it come to life.

I know I’m eccentric. I have very stubborn and fixed likes and dislikes, right things and wrong things. But I also have many things I don’t really care either way. That sounds really ambiguous, isn’t it? Hmm … ok, let’s say a group of people are deciding on where to eat. For me, I don’t care where or what cuisine. I usually let the fussiest eater pick the restaurant. Could be vegetarian/muslim/hindu/buddhist with some restrictions to diet, or could be someone who is completely unadventurous in food that they only like one type of cuisine. Let’s say, it has been decided on an indo-chinese restaurant. I do care, however, about the food that is served. That is, if I’m in an indo-chinese restaurant, I want authentic good indo-chinese food, served in indo-chinese way. If you served me with western-format 5-course meal starting with soup, appetiser, entre, dessert, wine, with western silverware of knife and fork; I will be offended and that will earn my dislike. Oriental soup is side-dish, not appetiser no matter how you try to twist it. You can bet, the next time there is a need to choose a place to eat, said restaurant (and I don’t care it’s a 5-star famous restaurant and the food is superb and the price is $$$$$$) will be eternally blacklisted. You can’t pay me to go there again. There is a Right Way and a Wrong Way to do things.

I will spend 6-months looking for the perfect camera or pda-phone, and spend 4 digits on it. But I will also buy some imitation bag from some street vendor for $10 in 5-seconds. Preferably unbranded, actually. I don’t really care if the bag is imitation brand or some handmade product from remote village in Thailand or Tuscany, or churned out of some factory in China by the millions. As long as it is functional, fits my sense of aesthetics and has some clever catch/clasp, it’s sold. Actually, price doesn’t matter that much to me. I’ve been known to buy 3-digit branded bag (gosh the quality and functionality!) and called a 5-digit Italian-super-famous-branded bag the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. You can’t pay me 5-digits to be seen in public with that thing. I have a secret suspicion that people drag me around as their shopping companion because they are amused by my … ah … commentary. Of course, the only people I allowed to drag me around shopping (!!) are also the kind of people I don’t usually watch my mouth with. Either that or it’s because I’m a walking encyclopedia. But then again, I would be a walking void when it comes to fashion … hmmm … . Nevermind, I’ve completely veered off course.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah, eccentric. Anyway, all that means is that, sometimes, stuff I think about are not politically correct or socially polite. Like I thought a wedding is a waste of time and an embarrassing announcement to the whole wide world that the couple are going to have sex after they get rid of all the dinner guests. The most considerate thing for wedding guests to do is to leave as soon as humanly possible so the couple can go do couplely things since they have fulfilled the socially, politically, lawfully, morally and religiously acceptable conditions that have earned them the right to do couplely things. You know, like buy a house, have kids, become permanent housewives/househusbands, wear blindingly bling diamonds…. oh wait, you don’t have to be married to wear bling. But you usually need a wedding to trot out the bling. Anyway, I still have to attend the wedding. Especially when it’s a close family member or a close friend, or close family friend … or it will be dinner for the day, since Mom is not cooking dinner. Like that.

Yeah, if one is a sensible and good person, one should not want to be a telepathic powers in the proximity of an NT. One might get scarred for life. Oh the weird things that goes around an NT’s head. And I’m not talking about me. I’m pretty mild, really. Boring, irreverent thoughts. The telepath may fall asleep sitting next to me.

I have made another detour. Ok. What was I saying again? Eccentric, offensive … yeah. So, perhaps it is no surprise that the internet presence that has the most direct and tangible link to my RL person is also the most NOT-ME. It’s been sanitised (somewhat). It’s still authentic me, I wouldn’t write something I don’t believe in or fakes or sensationalised. Only slightly exaggerated and dramatised. Slightly.  But perhaps it’s also the somewhat OUTER-ME that is less public-like than my RL-OUTER-ME with bits of real INNER-ME to spice things up.

In other words, it is my damn blog and I want to write whatever silly thing I feel like. And I am still trying to overcome a lifetime of learned automatic defense mechanism to hide my true self among aliens.

… … …

40 words exactly! Be awed by my summarising prowess!

(Okay, I got to get Atobe out of my head. Shoo!)

ENTP – The Visionaries

The charming and trend savvy type. They are especially attuned to the big picture and anticipate trends. They often have sophisticated language skills and come across as witty and social. At the end of the day, however, they are pragmatic decision makers and have a good analytical ability.

They enjoy work that lets them use their cleverness, great communication skills and knack for new exciting ventures. They have to look out not to become quitters, since they easily get bored when the creative exciting start-up phase is over.

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1 Comment »

  1. Nin Harris said

    I totally hear you about the lifetime of learned automatic defenses. I think that is why the internet can be such a boon (and curse!) for introverts…we get to explore those bits of us we keep under wraps in real life…

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